But Jesus…

Today has been a special day for me, thought nothing out of the ordinary has happened for it to be a special day.

But it’s special to me nonetheless.

Today, I went for a walk.

Today, I got things marked off my ever-growing “TO DO” list.

Today, I have my stuff together.

At face value, these things are fairly minor. Who even cares that I went for a walk or that I have my stuff together and am being productive? Why make a whole blog post dedicated to that??

Nobody may care that I have accomplished stuff today….but I care and want to share my achievements with whoever is willing to listen.

See, it hasn’t been that long ago when I saw nothing but darkness in every day living. When the voices were telling me to just give up. When I had lost hope.

But JESUS.

Jesus wasn’t ready for me to give up. With my husband and best friends as His tools, He gave me such strength that I’ve not known before. He is even using the therapy group I attend weekly to help me work through difficult emotions. Jesus has equipped me with skills to combat the darkness that, until now, I couldn’t access.

I don’t cling to Jesus because I’m hopeless or weak or desperate. I cling to Jesus because He alone is strong enough to help me during the good times and the darkest of days. He has proven His love for me time and time again.

There are a couple of lines from a Christian song “Reckless Love” by Cory Asbury that I cling to when the voices whisper that nobody loves me:

There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me

Here’s the link to the live version of the song:  Reckless Love Live.  I highly encourage you to watch/listen to the whole thing.

In the end, I say all that to say this: when you’re in the darkest of days, the deepest of pits, the hopeless of hopelessness, Jesus will come for you. Jesus loved you before you entered this world…and He still loves you. If you don’t know this type of agape – unconditional – love, please allow me to help you.

Darkness and Faith

Darkness. Ever present. Ever invasive. The blackest of black. Void of any hope at all of ever seeing the light.

This is where I’ve been for the past long while. Sure, I can be productive and have some relief of the darkness….even if for just a very brief moment…then I’m plunged – no, dragged right back down into the depths of this foul beast.

And it sucks.

Keeping my faith that Jesus is with me no matter what’s going on is next to impossible. This is where my “pack” – my small circle of really close friends & my hubs – are vital. They allow me to lean on them and their faith and prayers, trusting that I will make it.

Dealing with depression is hard. There are things that I do to help alleviate the pain, but sometimes that isn’t enough. It’s at those times I need my pack.

I am reminded of Job and David in the Bible. Job lost everything he held dear, but never wavered in his trust in God. David, the next annointed king of Israel, suffered with deep depression on a couple of different occasions…yet never lost his faith in God. It seems as though every other phrase David said in his psalms was praising God for His faithfulness even during the darkest of times.

Of all the people – past, present, future (Jesus excluded b/c He was perfectly God in His humanity), I need to be more like David: praise God even in my darkest hours. God promises to not give me more than I can bear without a way out.

What about you?

How do you deal with your darkest hour when everything you do doesn’t seem to work?