Darkness and Faith

Darkness. Ever present. Ever invasive. The blackest of black. Void of any hope at all of ever seeing the light.

This is where I’ve been for the past long while. Sure, I can be productive and have some relief of the darkness….even if for just a very brief moment…then I’m plunged – no, dragged right back down into the depths of this foul beast.

And it sucks.

Keeping my faith that Jesus is with me no matter what’s going on is next to impossible. This is where my “pack” – my small circle of really close friends & my hubs – are vital. They allow me to lean on them and their faith and prayers, trusting that I will make it.

Dealing with depression is hard. There are things that I do to help alleviate the pain, but sometimes that isn’t enough. It’s at those times I need my pack.

I am reminded of Job and David in the Bible. Job lost everything he held dear, but never wavered in his trust in God. David, the next annointed king of Israel, suffered with deep depression on a couple of different occasions…yet never lost his faith in God. It seems as though every other phrase David said in his psalms was praising God for His faithfulness even during the darkest of times.

Of all the people – past, present, future (Jesus excluded b/c He was perfectly God in His humanity), I need to be more like David: praise God even in my darkest hours. God promises to not give me more than I can bear without a way out.

What about you?

How do you deal with your darkest hour when everything you do doesn’t seem to work?

Not Focused: More of Good Isn’t Better

Just to recap what has been discussed so far in this series:

Reasons People Can’t Lose Weight:

• Achievemephobia – the fear of success
• Atychiphobia – the fear of failure
• Too much information
• Not knowing where to start
• Being too focused on the scale

The last reason I’m going to talk about – although there may be plenty more out there – is that you may not be focused on your end goal. You may have the “If it’s good, let’s do more” mentality.

That’s not always the case.

 

Too Scale-Focused: the Answer Isn’t There

The first thing we tend to do when we decide to lose weight is to get on the scales.

Every.

Single.

Day.

This may seem helpful, but it’s actually counter-intuitive. Why?

Well, weight fluctuates on the daily. What you see as a couple pounds of “fat” gained is in reality water weight. Weighing at different times of the day will also produce varying readings.

So, if the answer to weight loss isn’t in the scales, then where is it?

It’s in the way your clothes fit. It’s in the way you look.

But don’t ditch the scales entirely. Use it as the tool that it is to get some benchmarks on your progress. Get a beginning weight to have a starting point. Then weigh yourself no more than once per week – on the same day, at the same time, wearing the same (or very similar) clothes – to have an idea of how you’re doing on your journey.

Don’t Know Where to Start? Cut Calories

You’ve done your homework and have decided on an eating style. Now your question is “Where do I start?”

Cutting calories (or adding, if you’re trying to gain weight) is a good place to start. It’s a simple thing to do. There are now apps for your smart phone that will help to determine how many calories to cut and track the calories.

There are several formulas to calculate your caloric needs.  You can find one like this. Plug in your information and click calculate to get your numbers. So, for me, my Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) is 1,865 calories per day. That’s what my body uses to just run the basic needs. The more active I am, the more calories I can consume to maintain my current weight. So, for me to lose weight at my BMR, I need to cut 3,500 calories per week. Why 3,500? Because that equals to about a pound of fat. That equals to 500 calories per day.

Again, you don’t have to sit down with pen and paper to work some long complicated formula to determine how many calories you should consume per day to achieve your goal. There are apps for the smart phone that will help you do that.

Too Much Information: Who to Trust?

We’ve looked at Achievemephobia and at <the fear of failure>. Now let’s look at what to do with the information overload.

What is it?

Simply put, information overload is when there is too much information – and it seemingly is conflicting – for the brain to process.

A good example is eggs. One study shows that eggs are harmful for you because of ABC reason. The next study show that eggs are actually good for you because of XYZ reason.

Which do you believe? I personally believe neither, and I’ll explain why.

Who to trust?

This is just my personal opinion, but trust nobody fully when it comes to nutrition. Personal nutrition is just that – personal. There is no “One Size Fits All” approach. What may work for my body may not work for yours. It’s trial and error.

Now, I’m not advocating a blind following of any one thing. Do your homework. Test the theories. Take notes. Talk to your doctor. That’s how you find what works for you.

The Fear of Failure: Atychiphobia

Atychiphobia…another word probably 99% of the population have never heard. I know I haven’t heard it before. It is an irrational fear of failure that can prevent a person from doing anything if success isn’t guaranteed.

Atychiphobia is often an unconscious phobia. I say “often” because I’m sure there are people who can recognize this fear within themselves. This phobia can affect all aspects of a person’s life – from financial success to weight loss success.

Symptoms of Atychiphobia

Now, just because you may have one or more of these symptoms, you don’t necessarily have atychiphobia. That is up to the psychiatric professional.

With that being said, here are some symptoms that I have learned about.

• Extreme mental anxiety
• Digestive issues
• Headache
• Muscle tension
• Panic
• Faking illness
• Making constant excuses
• Telling blatant lies

Causes of/Reasons for Atychiphobia

While there are many variations to the cause of/reason for the fear of success, I will list them in no particular order.

• It is often linked to embarrassing or traumatic events in one’s past
• Can be caused by strict or overly demanding parents
• Can be caused by demeaning siblings or friends
• Negative thoughts about new challenges caused by minor failures in childhood
• Societal pressures (e.g. looks, education, material wealth)

(To read the source article, click here.)

Overcoming Atychiphobia

One can learn to overcome his/her fear of failure over time. It will take a lot of hard work and quite possibly some therapy, but it is doable.

I have seen 3 ways of overcoming atychiphobia:

1. Self-motivation. This is by far the most effective way to overcome atychiphobia. Take a big project and break it down into smaller, more manageable projects. Doing this will help one realize that failure isn’t the end-all-be-all, but that it’s just a part of learning.
2. Counseling. Meeting with a therapist can help one to discover more effective ways of coping with atychiphobia.
3. Medication. This is a last line of defense. The reasoning is that the medication is like putting a band-aid on cancer – the symptoms are being treated, but the root cause isn’t.

In the next post, I will go over who to trust in the age of information overload.

Achievemephobia: The Fear of Success

Achievemephobia. That is a word probably 99% of the population have never heard. I know I haven’t heard it before. I didn’t even know that fear of success was a real thing until I was talking one day to my best friend about one of her life goals.

Achievemephobia is often an unconscious phobia. I say “often” because I’m sure there are people who can recognize this fear within themselves. This phobia can affect all aspects of a person’s life – from financial success to weight loss success.

Symptoms of Achievemephobia

Now, just because you may have one or more of these symptoms, you don’t necessarily have achievemephobia. That is up to the psychiatric professional.

With that being said, here are some symptoms that I have learned about.

• the inability to handle success and lose all achievements by engaging in self-destructive behaviors
• refusal to set goals
• closing a successful business or doing something incompatible with one’s good character or good sense
• the need to escape self-awareness can lead to drug use, alcoholism or, in extreme cases, suicide.

(To read the source article, click here.)

Causes of/Reasons for Achievemephobia

While there are many variations to the cause of/reason for the fear of success, I will list them in no particular order.

• The excitement of success feels uncomfortably close to feelings experienced when subjected to a traumatic event or multiple events
• Many have been conditioned to believe the road to success involves risks (“getting one’s hopes up”) which threaten to lead to disappointment. A feeling of undeserving of success

(To read the source article, click here.)

• Change itself is scary
• The bar has been raised on one’sperformance levels
• One will get more attention
• One will question if he/she can do it again

(For other reasons, click here.)

Overcoming Achevemephobia

This exercise is taken straight from Psychology Today

Here is an easy exercise:

1. Recall an event where you were successful or excited when you were younger, and notice what you are feeling and sensing in your memory. Stay with the sensation of for 5 minutes.
2. Recall an event where you were successful and excited recently in your life, and notice what you are feeling and sensing. Stay with this sensation of for 5 minutes.
3. Now tap into the sensation of a memory of an overwhelming situation. I suggest not to start with a truly traumatic event, at least not without a therapist’s support. Start with something only moderately disturbing to you.
4. Now, go back to visualizing your success story. Do you notice a difference?

 

In the next post, I will talk about the fear of failure.

New Series!

In the following posts, I’m going to discuss what I believe to be the top 12 reasons why people have a hard time losing weight. I will not include those on medication that has the side effect of weight gain. I’m talking about habits and thinking patterns that prevent weight loss.

I have fallen “victim” to several of these over the years, so I have some pretty substantial personal experience from which to draw. In addition to myself, I have friends and family who also fall “victim.”

I am not a doctor or a dietitian or a licensed therapist. Nothing I say is intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any medical or mental issues. Please consult with your doctor and/or therapist before taking any of my suggestions.

Is There a Light?

A couple of blog posts ago, I talked a bit about depression. I mentioned briefly how I was able to start climbing out of the downward spiral and find the light.

And there is a light. I promise.

Here are 3 tips to help you find your way out of your darkness.

1. Exercise

I have heard over my experience with dealing with depression that exercise is one of the most effective non-medicinal way to improve my mood. What happens when you exercise is your body releases endorphins (the feel-good chemicals) which, in turn, gives you a boost in self-esteem.

2. Talk about it

The hardest thing to do when I’m deep inside my darkness is to open up to someone about what I’m going through. And I know that I’ll feel a little less alone when I open up to my close-knit circle. At the bare minimum, I’ll pour out my thoughts, heart, & feelings in my journal. Sometimes, though, my circle and/or journal aren’t enough. That’s when I turn to my therapist, who will remind me of the tools I have at my disposal to help me through.

3. Seek professional help

There is nothing wrong with seeking the help of a mental health professional. It isn’t the end of the world. Going to the doctor or therapist to receive professional help doesn’t mean that you are weak. I know that while I’m in the middle of my storm, I feel as though I’m defeated and weak when I reach out. That couldn’t be further from the truth – I’m getting stronger because I reach out for help.

 

Please, please, please don’t try to fight this “demon” by yourself. If you don’t have a support system in place and need to talk to someone, contact me. Or call the NAMI helpline 1-800-950-NAMI (1-800-950-6265).

When I Feel (A Glimpse of My Life)

These days, there are plenty of things that will drag your spirit down – social media comparison, decisions being made beyond your control, economic downturn…just to name a few. Some people can just trot right on with their lives as though these things don’t bother them at all. Other people get down-right depressed. Still others are somewhere in the middle.

It’s those people who, in my opinion, have it the hardest emotionally. Now, don’t get me wrong – being depressed is no picnic in the park, and neither is being the only “happy” person in your circle of influence. However, at least those people know just where they are emotionally.

Being a person with Borderline Personality Disorder, I know what it’s like to be in the middle – not knowing exactly how I feel from one minute to the next. And when I do feel, having that emotion be so intense that it all but consumes me and not being able to just acknowledge then release all in one fell swoop.

So, how do I deal with it?

I could say that I do a really quick meditation or visualization in which I see my trigger floating away down the stream or float up into oblivion on a cloud, but I’d be lying. The truth is that I shut down (which, in clinical terms, is “dissociate”). I retreat far into myself where nobody can reach me – “zone out” if you will. What can’t be seen is the war going on in my head to “snap out of it,” to deal with the situation in a more positive manner.

I hate the fact that I feel emotions so much more intensely than others in my immediate circle. I hate the fact that I can’t seem to live a “normal” life – a life free of such intenseness. (Is that even a word?) I try so hard to see a positive to this, but all I see is negative.

It’s a daily struggle – a struggle that I grow weary of fighting. But fight I do for it’s all I know to do. I am very thankful to my support system who love me no matter which aspect of my true self is showing up. I am very blessed to have the kind of husband who takes his wedding vows seriously – “for better or worse til death do us part” – and who does his best to understand what I’m going through.